


Say Goodnight, Not Goodbye

by KristinaLaine



Series: Ascension [1]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Episode Tag, Friendship, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Post Episode: s05e21 Meridian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-08
Updated: 2014-12-08
Packaged: 2018-02-28 15:03:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2737004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KristinaLaine/pseuds/KristinaLaine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack reacts, then reflects.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Say Goodnight, Not Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> This story was originally written back in 2004 and posted on several different archives. I am posting it here as a way to consolidate all of my works (past, present and future) into a single archive.

Jack O’Neill pulled his jeep up into his driveway. Turning off the ignition he sat there in silence. His thoughts focusing on the terrible truth he had been trying to avoid thinking about the entire drive back from the base.

Daniel was dead.

He had been avoiding saying those words, even to himself, since leaving Cheyenne Mountain. After Daniel’s ascension they had all stood there. He, Carter, Teal’c, General Hammond, Doc Fraiser, and Jacob. For a solid minute no one moved. No one spoke. It was as in that very room, time stood still.

Carter was the first to break the silence. Letting out a sob she quickly turned and left the infirmary, with Jacob right behind her. One by one they began to file out of the infirmary, leaving only he and Fraiser. He watched in rapt silence as she and the nurses began to clear the bed where Daniel had been laying. For Jack it was an important thing for him to see. Doc seemed to understand and did nothing to disturb him while she was working. He was going to see Daniel thru this to the bitter end. That included watching as they stripped away what remained of his mortal body. Not until the very last bit of anything that had contact with Daniel had been taken away was he going to leave. There was no body for O’Neill to stand vigil at. To guard in that mother hen way over Daniel that he had in years past.

Finally when the last bit of sheets were stripped from the bed, Jack turned and made his way to the locker room. There he was met by General Hammond, his eyes filled with a deep sadness.

"Jack I know this is a bad time," Hammond said apologetically. "But I just wanted you to know that you and the rest of SG-1 can take as much downtime as you need before returning to active duty. The loss of Doctor Jackson is a heavy blow to all of the SGC. No one will be more understanding if you take as much time as you need to work thru this."

"Actually Sir," Jack spoke in a quiet tone. "If its all right with you, I would like SG-1 to remain on active duty."

Hammond looked somewhat taken aback, "Jack, are you sure?"

"Yes sir. I think it may be what's best. Keep going, keep moving. I think if any of us stop we may not be able to get going again."

"Alot has happened tonight," the General sighed. "Why don't you go home, get some rest. Take a few days off to collect your thoughts. We'll talk about this then."

"Yes, Sir."

Jack watched as Hammond exited the locker room. Jack turned to see himself face to face with Daniel's locker. He hesitated momentarily before looking inside. In all his time at the SGC, he hadn't really seen what was in there. To his surprise, it was everything one expected Daniel to have. There were two sets of BDU's, both blue. An extra pair of glasses. A bottle of allergy meds. A couple back issues of  _Archaeologists Digest._  His civvies. As he began to go thru his best friends belongings, Jack was hit with a wave of guilt. It was only this morning he was in here talking with Daniel about his plans for the weekend, determined to get him to come over and watch a  hockey game. Jack had noticed that lately Daniel had been somewhat distant. He didn't realize it right away but he had become painfully aware during the last few missions of the growing distance between them. Jack had become determined to fix that.

He wouldn't get the chance now.

Depressed Jack turned around and left the locker room. Briskly he walked towards the elevators, trying not to look at the faces of his fellow soldiers who all gave him grim expressions. Meaning that word had spread about Daniel's. . . Jack thoughts had faltered. He knew what needed to be said, but somehow couldn't bring himself to say it. He felt like he should be talking with Carter or Teal'c. However all Jack O'Neill wanted was to be alone. To be by himself where he was free of the saddened expressions of the other teams. Away from the cold, sterile halls of the SGC that stood as a constant reminder of the days events.

As he pressed the buttons in the elevator. He could remember the first time that he had seen Daniel. The moment that he stepped off the elevator, his personal belongings in two bags, sneezing his way thru the corridors. He had only had a brief glimpse at the time, but little did he know that he would such a good friend to him one day. Things were rocky on that first mission. They didn't get along too well but that was mainly because Jack was too much in a daze to really care much about anything. When he reached the ground floor and stepped off the elevator, he could see Major Griff just coming in.

"Hey Colonel," he said making his way towards Jack.

"Hey Griff."

"The Sergeant just told me about Doctor Jackson. I can't believe it."

"I really don't want to talk about this right now," Jack said as he walked curtly past the Major and out of the compound.

Jack knew that he shouldn't have snapped at Griff like that. He had helped the team out of a jam on several occasions beginning with their rescue of Daniel from the Unas.

"Lots of good that did," Jack muttered under his breath as he reached into his pockets for the keys to his jeep. There had been times over the years where Daniel had some very close calls. Too many for Jack's liking. However somehow Daniel had always managed to bounce back. No matter how close had come to or actually done so, he had always came back.

 _Not this time_ , Jack's mind told him as fumbled putting the keys into the ignition and drove away.

Hours later Jack sat in his driveway after a silent ride home able to say and think what only yesterday he couldn't even remotely imagine he would be saying.

Daniel was dead.

Yesterday he was alive and well and mad as hell at Jack. And if someone were to ask Jack O'Neill the one thing he had wanted at that very moment, he would have said Daniel. For in his mind, he would take angry Daniel over dead Daniel any day.

Walking from his driveway into the house, Jack could remember the first time that Daniel had ever been there. Having to bring him back from Abydos it had never occurred to the Colonel that he had no one . That the young man's entire existence had belonged on another planet. When he had walked past him in the hallway, he didn't think he had ever seen another human being so lost. Then it came to him. He had. He too at one time had been so lost. So helpless and depressed. When his son had died he had been ready to give up on everything. If it hadn't have been for Daniel, he would have.

Without realizing it Jack found himself on his roof. He sat in the lounge chair next to his telescope as he did many nights just gazing up at the bright stars. After the initial mission to Abydos, Jack managed to plot out and course the position of the planet. He would sometimes sit there staring up at the star where he had left Daniel behind and begin to wonder what it was the he was up to. If he and Sha're were happily married yet? Did they plan for children? How would the man's allergies survive on a world with such humidity? You know, the trivial stuff that one thinks about when a friend is so far way. It wasn't until later that Jack had realized that he thought of Daniel as a friend. When he had left him on Abydos he had convinced himself that it was just an admiration for the man who helped literally save his life. However as time wore on, Jack began to think of Daniel as a friend. One that he thoroughly missed.

Touching the rim of the telescope Jack now wondered if he would have been better off on Abydos. Maybe if he and the others hadn't returned to take him back to Earth, they would have been better prepared to stop Apophis. It was their arrival that distracted theAbydonians militant guard of the Stargate. Maybe if they hadn't of come then, Sha're and Skaara would have never been kidnapped and Daniel would be living a happy, simple life with his wife on a distant planet instead of being . . .

Jack cursed under his breath, he still couldn't bring himself to believe it. For Daniel, dying never seemed like a reality to him. He had done it or come close to it so many times one began to think that he could  _never_ die. It was something Jack couldn't fathom. Daniel was his best friend in the entire world. Had saved his ass more times than he could count. Daniel was a wonderful person, with a kind soul, and way too many tragedies in life to die. Let alone in the horribly painful manor that he did. Jack knew that it was ridiculous to think that way but he couldn't help but think that Daniel deserved more than the crappy lot he was given. Hell, maybe this ascension thing was it. Teal'c always made it sound like a big deal.

There was a selfish part of Jack that wasn't happy for Daniel finally getting some inner peace. There was that part of him that wanted Daniel  _alive_ and happy.  What was so wrong with that?

Tired and worn to his limits Jack picked himself up, giving one last glance up at the skies. He couldn't say goodbye, but he knew what he could do.

"Goodnight Daniel," he whispered before heading down the ladder.


End file.
